Coconuts

A few nights ago I ran into a mate of mine that I have not seen for a long time,
He left school and I have always wondered where he was and what he was up too,
and out of the blue I ran into him at my friends Hen Party,

We hit it off immediately catching up on old stories and and finding out what everyone is doing now days (its amazing how many of my friends are getting married and having babies SCARY)

We made plans for the Tavern for Wednesday night (being last night)and started drinking I think a little too early, by 10pm I was ready to try out pole dancing again and was in a rather fun mood,
Somehow in our discussions we mentioned that I make a really kick ass pina colada and just thinking about that made me want one so badly,

All I needed was coconut milk but where to find coconut milk at this hour? and then I knew on the beach front in Margate there are tall palm trees that have coconuts hanging off them just waiting to get picked,

I had made up my mind and rounded up the crew of mates to come with me to the beach,

we get to the beach found a tree that was not to tall and start to climb, well I got onto my house mates shoulders and managed to reach one and pull it down, (did I mention I was wearing a skirt?)

Some how during this escapade I managed to hit my knee on something and
bruise my arm ...?

After this effort to get the coconut we realize there is no pineapple juice and our efforts were useless, so we keep the coconut and promise to make fresh pina coladas tonight.

However it was not all disappointing everyone came back to our place around 2am for chocolate chip waffles and ice cream yummmmmmm yes once again I was making waffles like Mary friggen Poppen's maybe they should nickname me Mary Poppen's
"a spooooon fullll of sugar helps the medicine go dowwwwn the medicine go dowwwwn la da dee dee dum'

as I am not very fond of Martha Stewart well I am going to court next week for a fraud case.....?

Oh and before I forget I will be away for the next few days due to the above mentioned court case ....,

Shit Issues

This is a very sensitive subject for me ...

I don't know about you but I hate shitting near someone that I now who might possibly smell my shit, its just not cool and I know everyones shit stinks, but I cant handle knowing other people have smelt my shit (specially people I know!)


Tiffany says: you know you said your stomach was sore?
Tiffany says: well when last did you have a kak? maybe your constipated
BadGuy..! says: it still is.. do you have it 2
BadGuy..! says: um gud question.. haha um last night.. i crap daily house mate
Tiffany says: no
Tiffany says: I am fine
Tiffany says: nice to know you crap cycle .... :|
Tiffany says: lol well go check it out
BadGuy..! says: haha i no you must be backed up cos i been home alot l8ly hey
Tiffany says: hahahaha I go at work
BadGuy..! says: miff public toilets
BadGuy..! says: do you put your bum down?
Tiffany says: not the public loo but pick n pay has a very clean paraplegic toilet that nobody uses
Tiffany says: NO if I have to use a public loo I either squat or layer the seat with paper before I sit
BadGuy..! says: no body uses but the whole of pick n pay staff which is like how many ppl .. 500
BadGuy..! says: (puke)
Tiffany says: no they use the outside one its only for customers but no customers know because they advertise the outside loos that you have to pay R1.00 for
Tiffany says: trust me this one is empty and kept clean
BadGuy..! says: (puke)(puke)(puke)(puke) o and some more (puke) (puke)
Tiffany says: its right by the account office in pick and pay ppl don't know its there unless your disabled
Tiffany says: and I still cover the seat or squat
BadGuy..! says: cudi bum
BadGuy..! says: haha
Tiffany says: what must I do I would rather they smell my shit and not you
Tiffany says: I am just funny that way I really hate ppl to smell me go
BadGuy..! says: hey every body got smelly shit.. who cares
Tiffany says: I do its one thing I have issues with
BadGuy..! says: oo she been eating stew
Tiffany says: I dont have many issues but that is one
Tiffany says: and I am a vegi so my shit dont stink to bad
Tiffany says: its meat that makes your shit stink
BadGuy says:
BadGuy..! says: poo i poo
Tiffany says: yeah we should put that on our bathroom door
Tiffany says: no bull shit!
BadGuy says:
Tiffany says: LMAO

Sleep Deprived

This was such an awesome weekend, besides the waffles on Friday night tee hee hee...
Saturday I went to a Braai and had such an awesome evening it was something that I needed!

to just relax not worry and have your car keys removed so you cant drive home (gives you no excuse to stay sober)

I must say it was a great evening we had pizza and played a board game called pig out, it got me horribly drunk and I ended up with someones boxers on my head !

Now after Friday night and the waffle scene I had only gone to bed around 4am on Sat morning and got up for work at 7am for work, then after sat night I went to sleep Sunday morning between 3 or 4 and got up at 6am OMG was I tired went to work again then ended up relaxing on the beach for the afternoon and swimming in a good friends pool was fantastic ! After the relaxed afternoon we had a braai and had a relaxed peaceful evening got home around 10pm ish and from there went straight to sleep!

I Love weekends we should have them more often!!

Waffles ...

around 3.30am this morning...

Rob - "giggle giggle" "SLAM CAR DOOR" whisper "do you think she is awake... pissst "
House Mate - "Her light is off maybe she is asleep"
Rob - "Dibbs not waking her"
House Mate - "snigger giggle I got you here you have to wake her..."
Me in my head - "What the fuck is wrong with these ppl its 3am?"
House Mate - "SLAM front door giggle" footsteps approach my room....
Me in my head - " quick put clothes on before he decides to jump on my bed" Dash to the cupboard and throw on some jammies open my door to find House mate about to enter ...
House Mate "YOUR AWAKE !!!" WE WANT WAFFLES"
Me - Your fucked in the head if you think I am making waffles at 3.30am in the morning you chop
Rob - "Aw please tiff tiff we have been craving waffles all night"
Rob - "Friend do you have some water for my drunk friend she is about to pass out"
Me - Look to floor where drunk girl is about to pass out...
House Mate - "ok friend do you want tea?"
Rob ' "Yes please"
Me - "Yeas please"
Me - Start making waffles
House Mate - takes ice cream out the freezer
House Mate - stirs egg into flour
Me - "What the fuck you doing leave it alone you chop you making lumps!'
Me - "Rob beat the egg white for me please and House Mate light me a smoke"
Me - Put on the waffle maker "there House mate here is your batter now you make the waffles"
House Mate - throws so much batter onto the waffle machine it starts ooozing out the sides
Me - "You chop give it back to me" obviously drunk people cant do shit"
Me - "You fucked up the first one not me ..."
House Mate - "My BAD...'
Rob - Drunk friend passing out... WAKE UP WAFFLES NEARLY DONE YOU CANT PASS OUT ON US NOW!"

you can see where this is going ....
me hungover and groggy and not too impressed so I left the kitchen in a mess for house mate to clean not a fuck was I washing dishes at that hour!


I can see this happening again as I do make a kick ass waffle and drunken munchies occur regularly in our house !

The Average Person

People are blind honestly or they are plain doff

I mean when there is no power do they expect the ATM machine to still work and spit out money?
I see on average 50 people per day, during load shedding when they know the power is out trying to draw money from the ATM.

I have people that have walked past my shop every week for a month and only now, that I have placed an advert in the paper do they try find me and say "oh how long have you been open?"

I have people walk into my shop and ask for a 2litre coke "now I am a nut store and have not one fridge in my shop kinda obvious I don't sell cooldrinks ! (then he asked where he could get some? so I said " I am not sure sir but I always thought pick 'n pay stocked coke in 2 litres and they right next door to me" I mean hello its pick 'n pay center for crying out loud)

And whats with the woman that came to complain I am out of stock on nartjie jam (I have never sold nartjie jam stupid cow)

I seem to be the local information spot for vaalies, looking for toilets, checkers, biltong shops (YES I SELL BILTONG FUCKERS) airtime, tyre fitments, activities, someone even phoned me looking for taxi services WTF????

I have seen people not even 1 meter from the trolley ramp try push there trolley off the curb so its closer to their car, resulting in one woman loosing 3 taxi pack's of eggs, another one hit the car parked next to the curb and had all her groceries flung into the parking lot, do they think the trolley ramp was put there to look pretty?

I have seen people with little kids allow them to squat and pee in the parking lot when there is a free toilet in pick 'n pay (come on thats disgusting imagine if everyone allowed there kids to do that the place would stink !

A man once reversed into the trolley train being pushed back to the entrance of the store he was so infuriated that the car guard had not told him to stop (when the car guard was clearly showing a do not move sign) and bedside's car guards are not there to assist in your driving skills you supposed to have a license for that!

I am sorry but is it just me or can people be really STUPID!

Nosy Neighbors

As per my previous post I had been summoned to a meeting with my neighbor, now I had been preparing to explain that we had permission to climb over the wall and swim in the other neighbors pool and that we would be careful not to destroy any of her plants in the process of climbing over the wall, but to my surprise the neighbor was not concerned about her plants or that we were breaking and entering into someone else's property, but had not seen me climbing the wall at all, only the gentleman with a red shirt.

She was truly concerned that the man I am living with was having an affair, and that she had been truly concerned for me she said "I was thinking all day should I tell her or maybe I should leave it" "but I had to tell you men are bastards and your man has been climbing the wall at night while you are asleep" " I can show you the muddy foot prints on the garden chair he used to climb over the wall, and the place in the garden where he put it" " I am very sorry to be telling you this "
Now I had been sitting very quietly trying my best to not let out a giggle...
so Istarted to explain that a me and House Mate are good friends and have not got a romantic relationship of any kind! second that it was me climbing the wall to swim in our neighbors pool as they are friends and we have permission to use it but were to lazy to drive or walk around.

"OH MY I AM SO PLEASED TO HEAR THAT!" "I have a real soft spot for women when it comes to men hurting there hearts" she said "and I am so glad its not what I thought, I was expecting the worst" So I thanked her for her good intentions and sat giggling for half an hour after she left

So house mate if you ever cheat on me the neighbor will come tell me! She probably heard you in the garage with another girl on my birthday and this just confirmed her suspicions you cheating bastard snigger how could you!!!! right under my nose...

in the pooh again ....

Lately we have been experiencing very hot humid weather , that combined with all the power cuts (due to eskom's new scam to give criminals longer trading hours) resulted in me climbing over the wall in very skimpy pajamas to go skinny dipping in the pool nest door ( I know the owner of the house and his tenants just moved out so the house was empty)

I had a very fun filled evening doing all kinds of things a girl like me should not be doing, but what the hell I always behave it was time to let my hair down and go wild! at about 12pm last night we eventually climbed back over to our side and got dry as it was starting to get very cold.

Now the problem where I live is that I share a subdivided house with 2 sets of people, one side is rather private but the other side practically lives on our doorstep!
Now after my fun filled evening climbing over the wall I get an sms asking me to have a private talk with my neighbor when I get home today, I can only think it has something to do with last nights escapade so I will have to sit down and find out what it is that I have done wrong again it seems like whatever I do now days is wrong ....

DDIY - DONT DO IT YOURSELF!

For those of you that dont know me I love getting all practical and doing guy stuff like changing light bulbs and hanging pictures.

A few weeks ago I decided to tackle a bigger task I needed glass shelving in my new shop window and I figured that I could get the job done...

So I went to the hardware store bought brackets and ordered glass to be cut in the shelf size, and I found this wonderful product called NO NAILS GLUE perfect so I spent an afternoon measuring and leveling these brackets to make the shelves were straight and glued the brackets into place .

The next day when I was sure the glue was dry I put the glass on and left it on for another day just to make sure it would hold! when it did I started placing display items on not too many but to see if it would hold , eventually I had everything I wanted on the shelves Olive oil, Jams , Honey, Greek Olives, Pickles, Nuts, Biscuits and a Beautiful Rooster that crow's when you clap your hands!

This morning I get to work to find my floor marinating in olive oil honey jam the olives were flung from one end of the shop to the other and my poor rooster lying violated on the floor and covered in jam glass and pickles! The clean up took hours not to mention there is glass everywhere luckily nobody was in the shop when it fell or I would be forking out hospital bills as it was not just little shards of glass on the floor but huge mother fuckers that were flung as far back as my store room!


So the conclusion is FUCK DIY with capitals I shall be taking down the mirror I hung so proudly in my house last weekend before that falls and decapitates some poor defenseless house guest or worse on of my precious kitty's and I will from now on contact a professional for any work of this nature that needs to be done! I am obviously not ment to do this stuff!

Lifes little hiccups

Ok so a lot of ppl are wondering what happens now....
Zuma is close to becoming president (as much as I detest the idea we have to face the facts that most of the voting citizens of this country are voting for a president that has been convicted, well almost, for fraud and corruption rape and untold misbehavior's) He is already the president of the ANC the ruling party in the Limpopo province,

This is the same man who chants the song in zulu "let us take out our guns and shoot the white people" his sayings of "just shower properly after sex and you will not get aids" does he want to kill the population of this country?

I always said when Zuma becomes president I will leave this country but how ?
I own three companies here and I will have to give up everything to start working and saving in another country throw everything I have worked so hard to get away because of one man?

Lately my parents have been fighting so much that they want to destroy there business just to spite each other , that effects me too as my businesses are connected to theres , if they go under so do I .

I have been looking at moving to another country getting a job and just continuing life as a working person but who will look after my parents who will help them out when things go bad ? I can not leave them?

This is a stunning country and I love its every province but things are becoming scary here ...
Just the other day a well known South Coast lady was murdered in her home come restaurant she was not just murdered but butchered and then burnt and her body left outside to say the least!

I lie in bed here and wonder when my turn will come when my fate will reveal itself will it be quick and painless or the same as Mrs Cosson brutal and unmerciful. Is this the way to live is this the person I have to be wondering when will be my last and trying to enjoy every day and telling the people that I love that they mean the world to me because I might not have the same opportunity tomorrow?

Who gives me the right to leave this country while so many can not? who decides that I qualify and you dont? The whole situation is a mess and I get stressed out every day! between wondering when and how I am going to die and what will happen to my parents one day? as they dont have medical aid? and they can not leave the country and between them fighting every day over who gets what out the divorce, I actually can not continue with this I cant sleep at night and most of the time I feel the world is caving in on me and I cant breath or move or talk I freeze and want to dissolve into a world where nothing is real nothing matters anymore!

I wonder what will happen to my friends and other family will they be ok will they survive through the life this country is providing? or will they abandon ship and swim to safety?

All because being white is not the flavor of the month anymore, being white means we should not have the same opportunities that that other colored races should have yes the elder white generation messed it up they disadvantaged the playing field for colored people but that does not mean to disadvantage us now ? Grow up people give everyone equal opportunities let the person with the best application get the job let the person with the determination to succeed in there career go forward let honest and trustworthy people become the role model leaders of this country!

Let people respect there elders and stop looking at them as easy targets, let babies and animals be protected and respected as defenseless and innocent,

let the death penalty come back and reduce the numbers of rapists and murderers in our jail cells, let people sleep at night without having to stress that they might get murdered in there bed!

I am just so angry with the citizens of this country for not opening there eyes to corruption and lies if Zuma lied and stole once who is to say he is not conning you now do you want our beloved country to become the same as zimbabwe? can you not see the signs the similarities of what happened there? all I can say is dont be a sheep and follow the heard make up your mind and fight for what is good and right fight for the life you want to live fight to be an individual who is respected and considered to be a valuable member of society!

My Friends

I don't have many friends but the ones I do mean a lot to me...
in the last 6 months I have lost three friends and I am close to loosing a fourth...
My long lost drinking buddy N has gone to the UK to make fame and fortune, my party girl C came and then returned to continue her adventures in the UK and now Jen my dear friend has left for Korea to teach, a brave move with a million opportunities and unopened doors to experience, and Sheebee is next on the list leaving for Cape Town on the 10th and from then only she knows, she is off to experience the ships the world and find everything she has not been able to find here...

I wish them all the very best, they all mean something different yet special to me in there own unique way, and I will always have them in my heart no matter how far away they travel.

One small problem now with all my girlfriends leaving this leaves me with a bunch of male friends, now dont get me wrong I love them all too even though they drive me nuts! They can do most things friends are supposed to but they suck at girl problems love life and decisions you girls will give you a different point of view on!

For example I am not over my ex
sheebee: I know it hurts but in time you will learn to love again and trust men they can be assholes and hurt you but you are much better without him...
House Mate: Get leg over that fixes everything

What is with guys thinking sex solves everything?

My latest problem well it's not a problem but a decision is , I have been seeing this guy a few times nothing serious but I can see things getting interesting if we play our cards right, I know him from way back when and lost touch with him for around 8 or so years, now getting to know each other again I find out he is in the middle of a divorce and has a kid thats 10 months old, now for me this shouts hold on move away because of my last ex who was married with kids.

Now if I really think about it I loved his kids and the ex wife never bugged me we broke up on a different note, he fought with me when he got drunk and that was everyday!

My friends are already warning me against this but should I listen to then and give up something that was possibly great or do I wait and play it out and see who he really is? get all the facts before I decide?

I like him a lot he is a decent guy with standards, I think I should play it slow and wait and see?