Distractions and desires...
I have had an interesting weekend,
Friday night was spent at the local pub VT with mate droops.
Droops has feelings for me, and I just don't feel the same way about him, and I have explained this to him, that we could never be anything more than friends! I think he is starting to accept that but he still slips up every now and then when he gets to pissed which he does way to often!!
I feel terrible about this but all I can do is stay his friend and remind him we will only ever be friends.
I know he must be hurting when he sees me flirting with other guys, and I feel horrible for this!! I think maybe letting him see the obvious will help him realize nothing will ever happen.
Anyway Friday night the fun evening it was ends to late and I wake up on Saturday Morning to early!
My mouth feeling like I have been sucking a dry sock all night (The joys of a hangover)and I need a shower and to go to work!
After a very long Saturday at work I get home light a smoke climb on the sleeper couch put on Treasure Island, soon after my mind starts fighting a loosing battle with my eyes, eventually my eyes win and I pass out on the couch, I must have slept for an hour or so before I get a sms... its Droops he wants me to join him for Rugby with his family at Douglas Mitchel Sports Ground.
I haul my ass off the sleeper couch and change, Rugby was cool and drinks flowed again, his family mistook me for his new girlfriend but I was to tired to argue and felt sorry for the guy so left them to misunderstand!
I Met some Crazy Friends of his who almost all had pregnant girlfriends whom where half my age (Sex crazed breeding maniacs)anyway we went to VT again after the Rugby and who do I find there my mate Jubs at a hens party.
She drags me off to dance, and on our way to the dance floor we meet Alan (refer to previous post) Jubs being the kinda girl whom when drunk can do anything and fight with anyone, poor Alan was in the war path (ok play war and they were just horsing around)But she breaks his watch and feels terrible about it! and they end up messing around as they know each other through someone or other.
I have been watching Alan for a few days now (Wed night, Friday Night and now Saturday night) watching him interact with my mate was cool, I want to find out what kind of guy he is, who he hangs out with and what his personality is like, I don't know if I am interested in him because I am not allowed to be, or if its his personality? but I will find out because he does intrigue me!
Now as long as my mind is on Alan and I get to put all my Stalker 101 into practice on him (LOL NO REALLY I AM BORDER LINE STALKER)
it takes my mind away from Gavin and this is something I have really needed! I have been with more than a few guys since Gavin and I broke up, but none have intrigued me as much as Alan!!
I find when I am around him my mind does not wonder and think about Gavin as much as it does normally.
Ok I know some of you might be irritated with the whole Gavin scenario I am too, this has been going on too long and I have been too hurt by him to allow this any further, but its not that easy to just get over someone who you were picturing spending the rest of your life with someone who just pop's into your mind when your watching a movie or series if you hear a song on the radio (yeah that bad)everything I do seems to have a connection to this guy!!
Anyway since meeting Alan I am so distracted and Intrigued that I find myself forgetting about Gavin (now even if its just a distraction nobody but him has the right to take it away, I have been hung up over Gavin for the last 6 months and having someone that is capable of distracting me this much is fantastic its something I have not been able to do for 6 months and even if its just friends its great because I get to forget about Gavin and for that I am great full and nobody should want to take that away from me!!
Anyway I ended up meeting him at the VT last night (yes a Sunday I know but I was drinking water I was still suffering from Friday and Saturday night I could barely keep track of the conversation!), anyway they started a joke over this poor guy who had lost his legs, I think it started with Ryan saying "Hey that guys legless" and his girlfriend said "hey thats below the belt"
anyway this continued for 2 or more hours lol and YES I feel awful as I always try to be nice to everyone and the poor guy could not even stand up for himself!! well I got to see a little of Alan's personality and he is very funny, I like that but I was as quiet as a church mouse last night I was hanging and starving and very distracted but if they hang around they will soon find out who I am!
And I am excited to find out who he is! lets see what happens maybe there is a friendship in the making!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Confessions from a Lover .....
Lately my love life has been turned inside out and upside down,
It all started when I was away in the berg,
My Ex Gavin decided to call me, he wanted to come over to see me,
why I still have no clue but I think he had been drinking, regardless I was not at home I was in the berg (busy trying to make a fire in the fire place which was just about to come right until we all got so distracted by the call)
anyway so I tell him unless he wanted to make a 5 hour drive I would not be seeing him, so he proceeds to get a drop lip about it,
(I would have seen him if I was home not my fault he could not wait a day or so to see me)
Anyway the story goes that he decided to bullshit me into thinking he was drinking with my ex, the one that will kill me if he ever finds me again.
So I get upset tell him he is lying and that its not him and hang up the phone, my two girlfriends sheen and kim where listening in on the whole conversation and decide enough is enough and they phone him to tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE anyway he lies about the whole conversation little did he know he was on speaker phone, but regardless of the lies he scared me so badly telling me that my ex who wants to kill me is on the coast and has found me through him, I was so scared of just the thought that he might have found me that I was shaking uncontrollably!
Anyway when I get home I find out that some ppl I know through a friend want to fight him, now I thought a friend might have done this on my behalf anyway I am not happy for him to get hurt so I try ask them to leave him alone, only to get told its not my problem and to stop interfering there is nothing I can do to stop this.
Lucky for Gavin they don't know what he looks like and unless someone points him out he will be ok... even though what he did to me was sick and twisted, with him knowing about my ex and what he did to me, I still would not like to see him hurt.
But now even though he was an asshole to me I cant talk to him or explain that its not me causing him to get hurt, and there is nothing I can do to stop it and for some sick and twisted reason on my side I cant help wanting to run and tell him that I tried to help but I cant and if I could stop it I would, and that even though he is an asshole and I know he treats me badly he is my asshole and until I am happy with out him in my life I will be unhappy without him.
Then to pick myself up I go out with my mates and meet a very sweet bar man Laurence he flirts with me buys me a drink and we exchange numbers, he seemed very nice and in my excitement I point him out the next time I go out to some of my mates they think he looks alright, a little later one of my house mates friends comes and ask's me to get her a drink from the bar so I say no problem I will ask Laurence so she giggles and said "Oh you know Laurence too" so I said yep he is a friend leaving it at that so I ask how she knows him and she said he sort of has a thing with her friend Angela now imagine my disappointment so I take a deep breath order the drink and go find Angela to find out what is going on, I show her the sms he has been sending me and find out that he kissed her after I left the previous weekend. so I back away and apologies and tell her I think he is an idiot for two timing us but have no problem if she is interested in him.
The next friday I go out with my friend droopy and this guy Alan is introduced to me as he had stolen my chair when I went to the ladies so we laugh and joke and I know some of his friends from school days and it turns out he was at school with me too, he seems very nice fun and full of life, a little later House Mate arrives and so does his mates Angela and the whole crew and to my surprise Angela comes over and gives him a hug, I say hello to her and when she goes off to see other people I ask Alan how he knows her and he told me he knows her through her older sister, so I think nothing of it, we flirt and laugh and I get to really like him, later on Angela's friend comes past and asked if I was with him and at the time I was not so I said no why she replied with another question is the other girl over their with him so I confidently say no because he is flirting with me, she said ok and walked away now I could see something was up so followed her to the bathroom, and tried to find out, I tell Angela he is flirting with me and I am interested she said go for him please she really has no problem so I think ok cool (still thinking he is just a mate of her sisters) (and I am pretty tanked by now) so anyway we hook up and every one of House mates friends jump down my throat and tell me that I am so wrong how could I do that, now being very confused I go to Angela and ask what is going on? I cant believe this has happened twice in a week with the same girl!!! she said no its fine go with him if I like him, damage already done just go 4 him,
I was very upset that none of her mates had enough respect to come and tell me who this guy really was and that she was really hoping to hook up with him that night. How was I supposed to know? yes as House mate said I should have picked up on the name Alan but I honestly dont listen to what his mates are saying at 3am in the morning when I am making waffles?
Anyway I said I had , had enough of the evening and was going to proceed to go home, and they all say NO DONT it will make Angela look bad so I stay entertain the guy and go home much later than I would have!
The next morning I forget what happened and plan to not contact the guy again!
So things are not so easy having a House mate that is upset with you stealing his friends guys twice in the space of a week!
anyway things with him sort themselves out,
Now I go out again last night to catch up a bit with my mate droopy and who would be there Alan and Laurence, Alan wants to know why I am upset with him, so I tell him about what I heard his Facebook status was and he denies it was about me but about some shit on Saturday night, anyway I explain that besides him being a nice guy my life is to complicated for anything other than friendship, He agrees to be friends and we leave that where it is, Laurence comes over and chats and apologizes for two timing me I accept his apology and agree to be friends with him too.
I am not sure but I think him and Angela are together now and I am glad, he does seem like a nice guy, he must just be honest with her, well I hope they do make it and that her living in Durban does not put too much strain on the relationship long distance is hard but she is a really sweet girl and I know she would not mess it up!
So thats my love life flat squished and non existent, I will just keep partying with my mate droops!
It all started when I was away in the berg,
My Ex Gavin decided to call me, he wanted to come over to see me,
why I still have no clue but I think he had been drinking, regardless I was not at home I was in the berg (busy trying to make a fire in the fire place which was just about to come right until we all got so distracted by the call)
anyway so I tell him unless he wanted to make a 5 hour drive I would not be seeing him, so he proceeds to get a drop lip about it,
(I would have seen him if I was home not my fault he could not wait a day or so to see me)
Anyway the story goes that he decided to bullshit me into thinking he was drinking with my ex, the one that will kill me if he ever finds me again.
So I get upset tell him he is lying and that its not him and hang up the phone, my two girlfriends sheen and kim where listening in on the whole conversation and decide enough is enough and they phone him to tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE anyway he lies about the whole conversation little did he know he was on speaker phone, but regardless of the lies he scared me so badly telling me that my ex who wants to kill me is on the coast and has found me through him, I was so scared of just the thought that he might have found me that I was shaking uncontrollably!
Anyway when I get home I find out that some ppl I know through a friend want to fight him, now I thought a friend might have done this on my behalf anyway I am not happy for him to get hurt so I try ask them to leave him alone, only to get told its not my problem and to stop interfering there is nothing I can do to stop this.
Lucky for Gavin they don't know what he looks like and unless someone points him out he will be ok... even though what he did to me was sick and twisted, with him knowing about my ex and what he did to me, I still would not like to see him hurt.
But now even though he was an asshole to me I cant talk to him or explain that its not me causing him to get hurt, and there is nothing I can do to stop it and for some sick and twisted reason on my side I cant help wanting to run and tell him that I tried to help but I cant and if I could stop it I would, and that even though he is an asshole and I know he treats me badly he is my asshole and until I am happy with out him in my life I will be unhappy without him.
Then to pick myself up I go out with my mates and meet a very sweet bar man Laurence he flirts with me buys me a drink and we exchange numbers, he seemed very nice and in my excitement I point him out the next time I go out to some of my mates they think he looks alright, a little later one of my house mates friends comes and ask's me to get her a drink from the bar so I say no problem I will ask Laurence so she giggles and said "Oh you know Laurence too" so I said yep he is a friend leaving it at that so I ask how she knows him and she said he sort of has a thing with her friend Angela now imagine my disappointment so I take a deep breath order the drink and go find Angela to find out what is going on, I show her the sms he has been sending me and find out that he kissed her after I left the previous weekend. so I back away and apologies and tell her I think he is an idiot for two timing us but have no problem if she is interested in him.
The next friday I go out with my friend droopy and this guy Alan is introduced to me as he had stolen my chair when I went to the ladies so we laugh and joke and I know some of his friends from school days and it turns out he was at school with me too, he seems very nice fun and full of life, a little later House Mate arrives and so does his mates Angela and the whole crew and to my surprise Angela comes over and gives him a hug, I say hello to her and when she goes off to see other people I ask Alan how he knows her and he told me he knows her through her older sister, so I think nothing of it, we flirt and laugh and I get to really like him, later on Angela's friend comes past and asked if I was with him and at the time I was not so I said no why she replied with another question is the other girl over their with him so I confidently say no because he is flirting with me, she said ok and walked away now I could see something was up so followed her to the bathroom, and tried to find out, I tell Angela he is flirting with me and I am interested she said go for him please she really has no problem so I think ok cool (still thinking he is just a mate of her sisters) (and I am pretty tanked by now) so anyway we hook up and every one of House mates friends jump down my throat and tell me that I am so wrong how could I do that, now being very confused I go to Angela and ask what is going on? I cant believe this has happened twice in a week with the same girl!!! she said no its fine go with him if I like him, damage already done just go 4 him,
I was very upset that none of her mates had enough respect to come and tell me who this guy really was and that she was really hoping to hook up with him that night. How was I supposed to know? yes as House mate said I should have picked up on the name Alan but I honestly dont listen to what his mates are saying at 3am in the morning when I am making waffles?
Anyway I said I had , had enough of the evening and was going to proceed to go home, and they all say NO DONT it will make Angela look bad so I stay entertain the guy and go home much later than I would have!
The next morning I forget what happened and plan to not contact the guy again!
So things are not so easy having a House mate that is upset with you stealing his friends guys twice in the space of a week!
anyway things with him sort themselves out,
Now I go out again last night to catch up a bit with my mate droopy and who would be there Alan and Laurence, Alan wants to know why I am upset with him, so I tell him about what I heard his Facebook status was and he denies it was about me but about some shit on Saturday night, anyway I explain that besides him being a nice guy my life is to complicated for anything other than friendship, He agrees to be friends and we leave that where it is, Laurence comes over and chats and apologizes for two timing me I accept his apology and agree to be friends with him too.
I am not sure but I think him and Angela are together now and I am glad, he does seem like a nice guy, he must just be honest with her, well I hope they do make it and that her living in Durban does not put too much strain on the relationship long distance is hard but she is a really sweet girl and I know she would not mess it up!
So thats my love life flat squished and non existent, I will just keep partying with my mate droops!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Black Swans and Bats
I have just got home from the most amazing holiday,
No really despite the title we had an amazing time, we were booked into this stunning chalet with its own private dam and black swans, we had all meals catered for in the restaurant and drinks in the Bar. (Besides the night Shanon decided to cook the most amazing chicken breasts with rosemary and fresh cream yummmmm)
Now the whole reason why I had to go up to the Drakensberg was to testify in criminal court case I was not really testifying for anyone but just recalling certain events that took place at the hotel I used to work for.
Luckily I got to take 2 of my closest friends with me, Kim and Sheen and Kim's friend Shanon joined us for Monday night.
The first evening in the restaurant was a little hair raising as out of nowhere this huge bat started to fly around the restaurant as Sheen saw it she lost all her lady like etiquette screamed swore dropped her knife and fork and ran to the nearest "EXIT" and lit up a smoke. (I think the old couple at the table next to us thought we were uncultured hooligans as I am sure their eye sight was not good enough to see the bat and so our behavior was uncalled for as they kept scowling at us and tisk tisk ing us when they looked our way!!)
We also spent a fabulous morning watching all the birds of prey at Falcon Ridge, we climbed to the view point at the hotel, and we even tried to start our own fire in the fire place at the chalet.
All in all a wonderful getaway something I was really in need of, to clear my head and rethink what I want out of my life.
Now the Drive there and back was enough stress to cause the requirement of a Holiday !!! Yes I admit to being the worlds worst back seat driver but my dear and beloved friend Sheen CANT DRIVE I thought I was going to DIE (Sheen I love you but SLOW DOWN AND TAKE TIME) cutting in between trucks and going 160kmph in a 120kmph zone riding up other cars bums and hitting the brakes at the very last second!! Enjoy the ride get to the destination!
(I still love you)
anyway thats all for now I am back home back at work and enjoying my life again!
No really despite the title we had an amazing time, we were booked into this stunning chalet with its own private dam and black swans, we had all meals catered for in the restaurant and drinks in the Bar. (Besides the night Shanon decided to cook the most amazing chicken breasts with rosemary and fresh cream yummmmm)
Now the whole reason why I had to go up to the Drakensberg was to testify in criminal court case I was not really testifying for anyone but just recalling certain events that took place at the hotel I used to work for.
Luckily I got to take 2 of my closest friends with me, Kim and Sheen and Kim's friend Shanon joined us for Monday night.
The first evening in the restaurant was a little hair raising as out of nowhere this huge bat started to fly around the restaurant as Sheen saw it she lost all her lady like etiquette screamed swore dropped her knife and fork and ran to the nearest "EXIT" and lit up a smoke. (I think the old couple at the table next to us thought we were uncultured hooligans as I am sure their eye sight was not good enough to see the bat and so our behavior was uncalled for as they kept scowling at us and tisk tisk ing us when they looked our way!!)
We also spent a fabulous morning watching all the birds of prey at Falcon Ridge, we climbed to the view point at the hotel, and we even tried to start our own fire in the fire place at the chalet.
All in all a wonderful getaway something I was really in need of, to clear my head and rethink what I want out of my life.
Now the Drive there and back was enough stress to cause the requirement of a Holiday !!! Yes I admit to being the worlds worst back seat driver but my dear and beloved friend Sheen CANT DRIVE I thought I was going to DIE (Sheen I love you but SLOW DOWN AND TAKE TIME) cutting in between trucks and going 160kmph in a 120kmph zone riding up other cars bums and hitting the brakes at the very last second!! Enjoy the ride get to the destination!
(I still love you)
anyway thats all for now I am back home back at work and enjoying my life again!
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