Coconuts

A few nights ago I ran into a mate of mine that I have not seen for a long time,
He left school and I have always wondered where he was and what he was up too,
and out of the blue I ran into him at my friends Hen Party,

We hit it off immediately catching up on old stories and and finding out what everyone is doing now days (its amazing how many of my friends are getting married and having babies SCARY)

We made plans for the Tavern for Wednesday night (being last night)and started drinking I think a little too early, by 10pm I was ready to try out pole dancing again and was in a rather fun mood,
Somehow in our discussions we mentioned that I make a really kick ass pina colada and just thinking about that made me want one so badly,

All I needed was coconut milk but where to find coconut milk at this hour? and then I knew on the beach front in Margate there are tall palm trees that have coconuts hanging off them just waiting to get picked,

I had made up my mind and rounded up the crew of mates to come with me to the beach,

we get to the beach found a tree that was not to tall and start to climb, well I got onto my house mates shoulders and managed to reach one and pull it down, (did I mention I was wearing a skirt?)

Some how during this escapade I managed to hit my knee on something and
bruise my arm ...?

After this effort to get the coconut we realize there is no pineapple juice and our efforts were useless, so we keep the coconut and promise to make fresh pina coladas tonight.

However it was not all disappointing everyone came back to our place around 2am for chocolate chip waffles and ice cream yummmmmmm yes once again I was making waffles like Mary friggen Poppen's maybe they should nickname me Mary Poppen's
"a spooooon fullll of sugar helps the medicine go dowwwwn the medicine go dowwwwn la da dee dee dum'

as I am not very fond of Martha Stewart well I am going to court next week for a fraud case.....?

Oh and before I forget I will be away for the next few days due to the above mentioned court case ....,

Shit Issues

This is a very sensitive subject for me ...

I don't know about you but I hate shitting near someone that I now who might possibly smell my shit, its just not cool and I know everyones shit stinks, but I cant handle knowing other people have smelt my shit (specially people I know!)


Tiffany says: you know you said your stomach was sore?
Tiffany says: well when last did you have a kak? maybe your constipated
BadGuy..! says: it still is.. do you have it 2
BadGuy..! says: um gud question.. haha um last night.. i crap daily house mate
Tiffany says: no
Tiffany says: I am fine
Tiffany says: nice to know you crap cycle .... :|
Tiffany says: lol well go check it out
BadGuy..! says: haha i no you must be backed up cos i been home alot l8ly hey
Tiffany says: hahahaha I go at work
BadGuy..! says: miff public toilets
BadGuy..! says: do you put your bum down?
Tiffany says: not the public loo but pick n pay has a very clean paraplegic toilet that nobody uses
Tiffany says: NO if I have to use a public loo I either squat or layer the seat with paper before I sit
BadGuy..! says: no body uses but the whole of pick n pay staff which is like how many ppl .. 500
BadGuy..! says: (puke)
Tiffany says: no they use the outside one its only for customers but no customers know because they advertise the outside loos that you have to pay R1.00 for
Tiffany says: trust me this one is empty and kept clean
BadGuy..! says: (puke)(puke)(puke)(puke) o and some more (puke) (puke)
Tiffany says: its right by the account office in pick and pay ppl don't know its there unless your disabled
Tiffany says: and I still cover the seat or squat
BadGuy..! says: cudi bum
BadGuy..! says: haha
Tiffany says: what must I do I would rather they smell my shit and not you
Tiffany says: I am just funny that way I really hate ppl to smell me go
BadGuy..! says: hey every body got smelly shit.. who cares
Tiffany says: I do its one thing I have issues with
BadGuy..! says: oo she been eating stew
Tiffany says: I dont have many issues but that is one
Tiffany says: and I am a vegi so my shit dont stink to bad
Tiffany says: its meat that makes your shit stink
BadGuy says:
BadGuy..! says: poo i poo
Tiffany says: yeah we should put that on our bathroom door
Tiffany says: no bull shit!
BadGuy says:
Tiffany says: LMAO

Sleep Deprived

This was such an awesome weekend, besides the waffles on Friday night tee hee hee...
Saturday I went to a Braai and had such an awesome evening it was something that I needed!

to just relax not worry and have your car keys removed so you cant drive home (gives you no excuse to stay sober)

I must say it was a great evening we had pizza and played a board game called pig out, it got me horribly drunk and I ended up with someones boxers on my head !

Now after Friday night and the waffle scene I had only gone to bed around 4am on Sat morning and got up for work at 7am for work, then after sat night I went to sleep Sunday morning between 3 or 4 and got up at 6am OMG was I tired went to work again then ended up relaxing on the beach for the afternoon and swimming in a good friends pool was fantastic ! After the relaxed afternoon we had a braai and had a relaxed peaceful evening got home around 10pm ish and from there went straight to sleep!

I Love weekends we should have them more often!!

Waffles ...

around 3.30am this morning...

Rob - "giggle giggle" "SLAM CAR DOOR" whisper "do you think she is awake... pissst "
House Mate - "Her light is off maybe she is asleep"
Rob - "Dibbs not waking her"
House Mate - "snigger giggle I got you here you have to wake her..."
Me in my head - "What the fuck is wrong with these ppl its 3am?"
House Mate - "SLAM front door giggle" footsteps approach my room....
Me in my head - " quick put clothes on before he decides to jump on my bed" Dash to the cupboard and throw on some jammies open my door to find House mate about to enter ...
House Mate "YOUR AWAKE !!!" WE WANT WAFFLES"
Me - Your fucked in the head if you think I am making waffles at 3.30am in the morning you chop
Rob - "Aw please tiff tiff we have been craving waffles all night"
Rob - "Friend do you have some water for my drunk friend she is about to pass out"
Me - Look to floor where drunk girl is about to pass out...
House Mate - "ok friend do you want tea?"
Rob ' "Yes please"
Me - "Yeas please"
Me - Start making waffles
House Mate - takes ice cream out the freezer
House Mate - stirs egg into flour
Me - "What the fuck you doing leave it alone you chop you making lumps!'
Me - "Rob beat the egg white for me please and House Mate light me a smoke"
Me - Put on the waffle maker "there House mate here is your batter now you make the waffles"
House Mate - throws so much batter onto the waffle machine it starts ooozing out the sides
Me - "You chop give it back to me" obviously drunk people cant do shit"
Me - "You fucked up the first one not me ..."
House Mate - "My BAD...'
Rob - Drunk friend passing out... WAKE UP WAFFLES NEARLY DONE YOU CANT PASS OUT ON US NOW!"

you can see where this is going ....
me hungover and groggy and not too impressed so I left the kitchen in a mess for house mate to clean not a fuck was I washing dishes at that hour!


I can see this happening again as I do make a kick ass waffle and drunken munchies occur regularly in our house !

The Average Person

People are blind honestly or they are plain doff

I mean when there is no power do they expect the ATM machine to still work and spit out money?
I see on average 50 people per day, during load shedding when they know the power is out trying to draw money from the ATM.

I have people that have walked past my shop every week for a month and only now, that I have placed an advert in the paper do they try find me and say "oh how long have you been open?"

I have people walk into my shop and ask for a 2litre coke "now I am a nut store and have not one fridge in my shop kinda obvious I don't sell cooldrinks ! (then he asked where he could get some? so I said " I am not sure sir but I always thought pick 'n pay stocked coke in 2 litres and they right next door to me" I mean hello its pick 'n pay center for crying out loud)

And whats with the woman that came to complain I am out of stock on nartjie jam (I have never sold nartjie jam stupid cow)

I seem to be the local information spot for vaalies, looking for toilets, checkers, biltong shops (YES I SELL BILTONG FUCKERS) airtime, tyre fitments, activities, someone even phoned me looking for taxi services WTF????

I have seen people not even 1 meter from the trolley ramp try push there trolley off the curb so its closer to their car, resulting in one woman loosing 3 taxi pack's of eggs, another one hit the car parked next to the curb and had all her groceries flung into the parking lot, do they think the trolley ramp was put there to look pretty?

I have seen people with little kids allow them to squat and pee in the parking lot when there is a free toilet in pick 'n pay (come on thats disgusting imagine if everyone allowed there kids to do that the place would stink !

A man once reversed into the trolley train being pushed back to the entrance of the store he was so infuriated that the car guard had not told him to stop (when the car guard was clearly showing a do not move sign) and bedside's car guards are not there to assist in your driving skills you supposed to have a license for that!

I am sorry but is it just me or can people be really STUPID!

Nosy Neighbors

As per my previous post I had been summoned to a meeting with my neighbor, now I had been preparing to explain that we had permission to climb over the wall and swim in the other neighbors pool and that we would be careful not to destroy any of her plants in the process of climbing over the wall, but to my surprise the neighbor was not concerned about her plants or that we were breaking and entering into someone else's property, but had not seen me climbing the wall at all, only the gentleman with a red shirt.

She was truly concerned that the man I am living with was having an affair, and that she had been truly concerned for me she said "I was thinking all day should I tell her or maybe I should leave it" "but I had to tell you men are bastards and your man has been climbing the wall at night while you are asleep" " I can show you the muddy foot prints on the garden chair he used to climb over the wall, and the place in the garden where he put it" " I am very sorry to be telling you this "
Now I had been sitting very quietly trying my best to not let out a giggle...
so Istarted to explain that a me and House Mate are good friends and have not got a romantic relationship of any kind! second that it was me climbing the wall to swim in our neighbors pool as they are friends and we have permission to use it but were to lazy to drive or walk around.

"OH MY I AM SO PLEASED TO HEAR THAT!" "I have a real soft spot for women when it comes to men hurting there hearts" she said "and I am so glad its not what I thought, I was expecting the worst" So I thanked her for her good intentions and sat giggling for half an hour after she left

So house mate if you ever cheat on me the neighbor will come tell me! She probably heard you in the garage with another girl on my birthday and this just confirmed her suspicions you cheating bastard snigger how could you!!!! right under my nose...

in the pooh again ....

Lately we have been experiencing very hot humid weather , that combined with all the power cuts (due to eskom's new scam to give criminals longer trading hours) resulted in me climbing over the wall in very skimpy pajamas to go skinny dipping in the pool nest door ( I know the owner of the house and his tenants just moved out so the house was empty)

I had a very fun filled evening doing all kinds of things a girl like me should not be doing, but what the hell I always behave it was time to let my hair down and go wild! at about 12pm last night we eventually climbed back over to our side and got dry as it was starting to get very cold.

Now the problem where I live is that I share a subdivided house with 2 sets of people, one side is rather private but the other side practically lives on our doorstep!
Now after my fun filled evening climbing over the wall I get an sms asking me to have a private talk with my neighbor when I get home today, I can only think it has something to do with last nights escapade so I will have to sit down and find out what it is that I have done wrong again it seems like whatever I do now days is wrong ....